Have you ever rage quit a book? You know, getting so done with a book that you want to shut it as hard as you can or throw it away without minding if it gets damaged? Either way, I’ve read some books that I did not like, but most times, it’s always left with a meh feeling, so I just put them away to forget they ever existed. Although, Virgin by Sanghani Radhika left me outraged. I usually don’t write reviews about books I don’t enjoy, most often because I don’t have anything to say large enough to fill a post. But sometimes, some books just hit that little part in your brain that doesn’t shut up, and those words need to go somewhere.

I wrote about After by Anna Todd, probably the only negative review I have here on the blog, and even that post isn’t all bad because I joined it with 50 Shades of Grey by E L James. Although is this about to be my very first negative review? I don’t even know how I feel about it. A lot of times, I don’t see negative reviews as a way to drive off readers. Just because someone didn’t like a book, it doesn’t mean you won’t like it too. Although, usually, that is more connected to plot lines and tropes, my problems with Virgin are about how the story was told and the presence of the main topic: virginity.

Virgin is a rather quick and short book about a 21-year-old girl, Ellie, being a virgin in her senior year of university. In a world where every single one of her girl friends already lost their virginity in high school, and she is now leaving university still a virgin, she feels out of place. What drew me to this book and also what this book tries to do is tell a lighthearted and humorous story of a young woman learning more about her sexuality. It’s supposed to be a funny and entertaining journey. But it wasn’t for me. And to the point I didn’t even finish the book.

Just a few chapters in, I notice the book was on the verge. Depending on how the story would go, it would either be a book I enjoy or one I wouldn’t like at all. And sadly, it tipped to the wrong side. My biggest problem with this book is that while it tries to be sex-positive, it becomes sex dis-informative. A lot of times, Ellie will have this idea of what sex should be or of her body or of her virginity, and there isn’t any character or any instance when some information is rectified saying “Actually, that’s not correct”. And so in a book all about sex, when some ideas are still founded on preconceived notions made I-don’t-know-how-many-years-ago, I can’t enjoy the book for its “sex-positive message” because I know that message is not entirely correct.

The actual description of exploring sexuality and your own body is good, and they try to add a let’s-normalise-this-talk to them that I liked. Although, whenever we are back to Ellie’s head and her decisions and why, it becomes bad. There’s a moment in which it’s pointed out she shouldn’t just lose her virginity with a hookup at a club. And my question is: why not? Ellie stated she’s not saving herself for “the one”. So why shouldn’t she? There is nothing wrong with doing it. If she wants it, then go for it. Although it’s important if she knows what she’s doing. And here is the problem. She doesn’t. And no one around her tells her that. Instead, they give a pat on the back and say “Glad you come to your senses” when, in reality, she just didn’t have the chance.

It also doesn’t help Ellie being a teenager. Say whatever you want, but Ellie is not a 21-year-old woman. The way she thinks about her virginity, the way she talks about it and also how she acts, she is a teenager. She’s completely immature, and when paired with the lack of a character that can act as the voice of reason, then I just want to scream into the void. And she’s not the only character that behaves like that.

There is a scene somewhat in the beginning where Ellie and her best friend Lara have a huge argument. And while Lara was a B-word, she describes very well who Ellie is. She’s obsessed with losing her virginity, and she pities herself constantly. It’s tiring reading about someone being sorry for themselves all the time, and don’t have someone to shake them and say “Look, stop that, give yourself some worth”. As much as I scream or write in the book, the characters will never hear me. So there has to be someone on the page to do that job for me. Sadly, there wasn’t.

The nail in the coffin for me was a scene with a 25-year-old man who Ellie knows since they were children and didn’t have any contact with for over a decade. They end up kissing, and when they break off, he says he’s gay. That he kissed her because until then, he had never kissed anyone before so he didn’t have any “proof” he was actually gay. At the age of 25, is a kiss that important to tell you that? If I kiss a man and don’t feel anything, that doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian, it means I don’t have any feelings for that person. This scene to me felt a lot like teen movie stuff, and I don’t see it as good representation. Yes, you can question your sexuality for a long time. Yes, you can be unsure about your sexuality. Yes, you can try kissing someone to try and find an answer. But is it really a kiss after a chat over lunch going to answer your questions? As I said, it felt too much out of a yearly 2000s teen movie.

And I guess having all these things happen at the same time was too much and made the story unreadable. I was seriously getting mad while reading, so I did the most sane thing and closed the book to never open it again. This wasn’t a story about a young woman dealing with being a virgin in her twenties, it was about a teenager desperately trying to lose her virginity because all her girlies already had.

Despite everything, there are some moments when Ellie is relatable. There are some common experiences all women have, and at the moment, you create a connection with the character. Although that usually doesn’t last long. Throughout half of the book, Ellie doesn’t show any hint of personal growth. And by looking at the last pages, I could see that’s something that doesn’t happen for the entire book.

I understand this story is humorous and not to be taken seriously, but I can’t enjoy it when, at the same time, is trying to be informative and some decisions and ideas are not part of a healthy relationship with others and with our bodies. It still perpetuates archaic ideas about the female body and sexuality that have been hurtful.

And in the end, this is a book to praise losing virginity when I was hoping for and wanted a story about coming at ease with being a virgin. That should be Ellie’s conclusion. “I’m a virgin, and that’s okay. I’m not saving myself, I’m just a virgin.” And accept she is no less of a woman by being a virgin. Instead, it continues to feed Ellie’s idea that being a virgin at 21 is bad.